Build the Track Before the Train

Diane Lane, ladies and gents.

In a fit of restless angst a few weeks back,

I ponied up the $4.99 to rent the epic Diane Lane adventure, Under the Tuscan Sun, in which she plays a recent San Franciscan divorcée who moves to Italy and buys a villa. She fixes it up over the course of the film, falls in and out of love, makes adopted family along the way, and most importantly, is best friends with pregnant Sandra Oh. It was more than worth the rewatch because, travel porn.

After a classic rom-com ‘poor me’ rant about loneliness, Diane Lane’s real estate agent-turned-friend (whose name I am already forgetting) tells her a story about the building of the railroad across the Alps. According to our nameless signore, the track was built before there was a train that had been invented that could make the journey over the mountains. The builders were certain that one day, a train would come. Diane Lane translates this to her life she’s building, accepting that with this house, she’s actively creating her foundation for the family and love she’s hoping will fill it. In other words, manifesting. Recently, I’ve been taking that to heart with building out the pieces of myself to be ready for the adventure-filled life I’ve imagined. However as Diane Lane discovers (and I am reluctantly finding), when that dream takes longer than you’d anticipated to materialize, it can get really frustrating to practice patience.

This week, sitting across from one of my soul friends on this ol’ life journey, Hayley, we realized this had been weighing on us both. She’s finding herself at a crossroads of feeling it’s time to have her own apartment, to build her own life out, but not being able to reconcile the astronomical rent she’d have to pay in San Francisco to be a single woman with her own studio or one-bedroom. After a weekend in LA with another lifelong friend of hers, who’s living with her boyfriend and surrounded by a close-knit group from their USC days, she realized she’d been soaking up their feeling of home. These friends have regular coffee shops they go to, intentionally put together Mid-Century Modern apartments, a routine they seem to love. All, of course, making her starkly aware that she does not feel at ‘home’ in San Francisco. 

I immediately recognized my own feelings of homesickness for Southern California and the feeling that I’ve never truly found ‘home’ in San Francisco, either. Our families are elsewhere, and while we have adopted friend circles around us, it seems impossible to put down fresh roots on the bedrock. I was born close to here, I have deep history here, but it still feels like my connections to the City are hidden behind nostalgia and time. This City belongs to myself as a child, but it has resisted being claimed by my adult self. The biggest lesson it taught me was how to pick myself back up when I’d trip while careening up and down the hills of Pac Heights, ripping my little 3-year-old leggings, and to keep on moving, never standing still. When every gut instinct tells you that in order for you to evolve, you have to once again put miles under your feet, at what point do you listen, and at what point is it self sabotage?

In lieu of any solid answer for each other at the time, Hayley and I mused about the Under the Tuscan Sun train metaphor, without finding a way to make each other feel anything other than contemplative, and finished our dinner.

My fiancée Tracy told me recently, "you cry more in the fall". I hate that I am so predictable. But of course, after dinner, I ended up sobbing, "why could I not just have wanted a linear, definable career path, it would be so much easier", letting the feelings of powerlessness wash through me. This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt the need to shed my skin, to grow beyond my current shallow roots to find softer ground, and have continuously chosen to keep waiting until it made adult, logical sense to make large change. I have an apartment, a partner, and a 15-year old incredibly high maintenance small dog. As Tracy also reminded me, you can’t sign a new lease without proof of income, so some things must come before change. Sometimes, even while you’re reminding yourself that it really is all in your hands, a Diane Lane-esque pity party still forces its way out. We just have to make sure it doesn’t stay for too long. 

The next morning, we walked outside with our coffees and the dog, and the City was covered in puddles. Crisp air and clouds were flowing by, the local seagulls silhouetted against them. The City itself had let things wash away last night just like me, making room so that we all can feel that little bit of receding tide that gently coaxes our feet to where we’re meant to go. My San Francisco adoptive friend family gathered at one of my favorite wine bars on Divisadero that evening to toast a new year around the Sun for me. Most are aware their callings will most likely take them North, South, or East, and their roots are shallow like mine, but at least we’re together for now. I’m reminded of Aspen trees, whose relatively shallow root systems intertwine and grow as one, holding each other aloft.

All that being said, I am also painfully aware that I’m turning 26 this weekend, and am incredibly young to be feeling so frustrated, but isn’t that what the sweet ache of being a Type A creative in your twenties is all about? Even Diane Lane had moments of weakness along the journey of creating her home, and damnit, if she can survive on train metaphors, sunflowers, wine, and her friends, so can I.

Pine Pitch @ Hotel Utah Saloon

Pine Pitch made its live debut at Hotel Utah Saloon, opening for buddies of ours, Nashville-based Poncé.

The show was fantastic fun, and playing these songs live was incredible- I still get choked up whenever we learn one of my own songs that’d never seen more than a piano backing it. To hear a song in real life exactly how you hear it in your head is a truly magical privilege.

All photos by the talented Tracy Graham, as per usual.

Concert of the Year, 2018: Andrew WK at The Fillmore

Image by Tracy Graham

As a writer for music blog The Danger!Sound, I get to see more shows in a year than anyone should be lucky enough to. With 2019 upon us, I thought I’d highlight my favorite show of 2018, Andrew WK’s riotous celebration of music and life at The Fillmore.

Read Review Here.

In summary, I was floored by WK’s performance because of it’s earnest positivity, and in particular his most recent album’s title track, “You’re Not Alone”. After a close family friend took their own life around this time last year, being introduced to this song and WK’s powerful live rendition of it both reduced me to tears while filling me with hope that messages like this exist.

Looking back on this last year and the particular resonance of this set is only more poignant to me after another family loss to suicide last week. My mother and I have been tossing back and forth a line her father/my grandfather loves to say - “Heredity deals you the deck, and environment plays out the hand”. Our family on that side has strong history of mental illness, namely depression/anxiety and bipolar, and it was bittersweet to reflect on which members of our family survived it, and what aspects of their lives may have played a role. I still firmly believe with resources like Andrew WK’s music, that environment can have a bit more of an anchor for those who need it most.

Image by Tracy Graham

Simon's Hero: A Day of Covers and Community

Bernie Dalton was a low key Santa Cruz dad- enjoyed music, and loved his daughter. Fulfilling a lifelong dream of making his own album one day, he decided to start taking voice lessons, and began traveling North to SF to learn from Bay Area musician Essence Goldman. They were a musical match made in heaven, and his lessons were a highlight of both of their weeks for months, until suddenly he began to lose control of his mouth and swallowing. Heartbreakingly, just as he had begun following his creativity, Bernie developed ALS.

Now that his condition has progressed to the point where he can no longer speak or move, Essence has taken it upon herself to become his voice. Recording an album of his original songs with the group she created, Bernie Dalton and the Believers, she’s beautifully creating a legacy for Bernie and his music.

The Pop-Up Bay Area Podcast hosted a special fundraiser at the historic Sweetwater Music Hall for Bernie and the Believers, and their quest to bring their act and Bernie’s story to NPR’s Tiny Desk concert series. At the event, local musicians were invited to cover Bernie’s song “Simon’s Hero”, along with the choice to read only the lyrics and create a melody or to listen to the recorded version Essence created. I was lucky enough to be part of it along with Pop-Up co-host Renee. This is a snippet of my version of “Simon’s Hero” by Bernie Dalton.

If you’re as taken by Bernie’s story as I was, here’s the footage from their Tiny Desk plea. Enjoy!

That One Time I Won a LipSync Battle

In what may have been my finest moment,

I won a LipSync battle with Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz” while working the NoisePop 20th St. Block Party. The organizers tapped me on the shoulder and verbatim said, “Hey, you look outgoing- do you want to be part of a lip sync competition?”, so which I obviously answered, “Yes, and I want to sing “Ballroom Blitz”.” Not like I’d been planning my whole life for this, or anything.

Please enjoy my moment of triumph.

In the Studio with Pine Pitch

My work with Blue Bear School of Music brings me to the Boom Boom Room quarterly for our band showcases, where we’re regaled with at least 5 covers of Radiohead’s “Creep” and some surprisingly good Cranberries covers every now and then. While working the door, I got to know the sound guy, Jaemi Fortier, and when he had a keyboard player drop out of recording for his project Pine Pitch, he tapped me for the gig.

Two quick rehearsals later, we were at the gorgeous Hyde Street Studios and ready to get these songs going. The band consisted of myself on keys, Brian Devy on drums, Eva Pointkowski on violin, Sam Devine on bass, and Jaemi on vox and guitar, and it was exhilarating to pick up these songs so quickly with this talented group of players. They all blew me away. Recording went relatively smoothly, and some delicious Thai food and Banh Mi later, we had our mixes.

A moment of silence not only for for Jaemi’s great songs, but his insistence on paying us, as well- while I would have done this for free, it was an incredible way to get started as a session player feeling respected. Go Jaemi go!

All that aside, the main highlight of recording at Hyde Street was playing on Frank Sinatra’s old white grand piano. Not to mention the lava lamp. Fingers crossed I’ll be spending much more time in this gorgeous studio in the future, and keep an ear out for Jaemi’s tracks when they’re up!

Image by Elliott Alexander

Hozier at Fox Theater

Hozier’s North American tour rolled through Oakland on one of its final stops, and the impossibly tall Irishman did not disappoint the throngs of fans filling up the Fox’s huge halls.

I have to start by saying that I LOVE Hozier. Luckily, he always seems to plan his North American tours for Fall, and his stops in both Northern and Southern California tend to fall right around my birthday- how sweet of him to think of me like that. His San Diego show from 3 years ago remains one of my favorite concerts I’ve attended, so I was excited to say the least to see him live again.

Read the full The Danger!Sound writeup, living at tracygrahamcracker.com.

Hudson Taylor Bring their Foot-Stomping Charm to the Fox

Our new friends Hudson Taylor made it to their tour stop in Oakland after their long tour around North America supporting Hozier, and their opening set was every bit as fun as I expected if not more.

If you haven’t gotten your crash course on Irish brother duo Hudson Taylor yet, check out our interview with them just before the start of this tour. Back home across the pond, these brothers cut their teeth busking for years, so I was expecting them to be natural performers. Alfie and Harry more than met my expectations.

Read the full The Danger!Sound writeup, living at tracygrahamcracker.com.

Bay Area’s Jackie Greene Brought the Fillmore to its Feet

We joined everyone over 50 in San Francisco at Bay Area native Jackie Greene’s sold out, double-set show at the Fillmore last week, and I left spouting the gospel of this incredible artist and his even more powerful backing band.

Please, please see Jackie Greene when he comes through town. Even if you stop reading now, and you follow that direction, I will have done you a huge favor. You’re in for a treat.

Read the full The Danger!Sound writeup, living at tracygrahamcracker.com.

We Were Promised Jetpacks Bounced Their Way Through the Great American Music Hall

We Were Promised Jetpacks bounced their way through the Great American Music Hall (GAMH) to grace us with their presence and promote their new album, The More I Sleep the Less I Dream, a few weeks back.

After taking a few years to re-find center, celebrate a few marriages, and define a new direction, this album constitutes a mature and intentional WWPJ.

As evidenced in this incredible show, they continue to be one of the more solid and finely tuned machines of rock ‘n’ roll out today.

Read the full The Danger!Sound writeup, living at tracygrahamcracker.com.